The theory is known as self-serving bias in psychology. This life theory addresses the problem of people blaming other people for their mistakes but giving themselves glory and credit when they record rounds of successes. We hardly ever place the blame for mistakes on ourselves. We are quick to blame the problem on someone else, especially on those who are close to us. The self-serving bias is when we blame negative outcomes on outside factors unrelated to our character while attributing positive events and successes to our own actions or character. Blaming others for your difficulties in life is a risky strategy against development and success.
Over the course of your life, you must have heard a lot of cheesy blame-singing. You must have encountered people who shared with you regretful and tearful tales about how they might have overcome obstacles and achieved success in life if only they had received support and assistance from a loved one. You must have heard the tales of numerous negative experiences and obstacles they encountered while hoping for something from someone or somewhere in their disappointed voices. In many stadiums with a full attendance in Nigeria, for instance, the blame game is played. Leaders blame the global economy for the nation’s calamitous hunger and deepening poverty, while followers blame their leaders. Nobody wants to accept responsibility for the shenanigans tearing society to smithereens and absolute shreds. Everyone is blaming everyone else.
It has been mentioned in families. I read about a woman who was childless and once yelled at her husband, “Give me children, or I’ll die.” In her subconscious, she believed that her husband should be producing children for her since she lacked the necessary resources to give birth to infants.
I’ve heard this countless times: “If only I had the connection…,” “If only my uncle had helped me…,” “If only my dad had done a little more…” and “If only my boss had given me the opportunity.” If only… if only… I traveled on the same ferry of blame back in my youth, when I knew little about life. I mistakenly believed that life is a free-for-all cruise where whatever you wish for will come to pass without you having to do anything. I never considered education to be a foundational rock upon which a man could construct a fortifying castle. I regarded learning inside the confines of a classroom as a meager and pointless exercise. Academics seemed to me to be a monotonous, round-robin unquixotic routine. How mistaken I was.
In those trying years as a young man, I attributed my misfortune to important people in my life. That was the blame rap song I was humming and practicing nonstop in my head. And in front of me was the success horizon that my friends and peers had quickly entered. However, I was surrounded by a few men who thought I was intelligent enough to do well on tests I frequently failed. Regularly failing tests was the wake-up call I needed to face reality. Only 10% of life is what happens to you; the other 90% is what you choose to do with it. I gathered the shattered dreams, placed them on a platform of concentration, and started to make some adjustments on my own. Self-corrected situations remain correctly corrected. You won’t have a babysitter. Everyone must bear their own cross. Blaming others can occasionally seem therapeutic and reassuring, but it is actually a cop-out from reality. It is a path that results in regress.
Some human personalities might actually be to blame for your difficulties, while others might have harmed you horribly. Blaming them might sound self-satisfying, but will doing so help you make up for the lost time and money? Refusing to place blame suggests that you are prepared to accept a higher calling and direct your efforts toward your ideal outcome. You should place the greatest importance on achieving your goals. Nothing that has been done can be undone by placing someone on the crucifix of blame.
I once read about an intelligent, charismatic, and attractive man who was unable to find a wife because of his short stature. He had asked a few girls out, but they had all declined. He ascribed everything to his height. He claimed that no one liked him and that his life was in danger. Women are shallow and vain, so they won’t like me. The man cried out. Self-pity! He stopped attempting to ask women out on dates because he believed himself to be too short. Is it accurate to say that women only date and marry tall men? Not all women place a lot of value on height. They act on values that go beyond that. Some of them belonged to this man. He put the blame all on his height rather than raising the bar on other qualities that would draw him to the bone of his bones. The man had made his decision based on a metric that he lacked—that women are only attracted to tall men.
It’s time to stand up, stop blaming others, and step up your game. Upping your game entails accepting responsibility for your difficulties, coming up with a solution, and progressing. Nobody is to blame for anything that has happened to you or is currently happening to you. Nobody else is to blame for the unlit candle of your life’s lack of a flame. It is up to you—and no one else—to light the candle that you are holding. You live that life. You have to love it and take care of yourself because you live it. It’s not your fault that anything that has happened to you so far. No one owes you anything, so take charge of your own actions. You owe it to yourself to live a happy life. While it’s true that you might not be able to change everything around you, you can change who you are. You can alter your reasoning and way of thinking. The testimony and odyssey of any one man’s failure are not shared with the world. Success is attractive to people. They are drawn to powerful positions and those in charge of large organizations that flow with the milk and honey of untold riches. If you have broken things in your life, pick up the pieces and keep going. There are numerous people who are eagerly awaiting your blessing. Stop blaming your friends for not helping you, your husband for not loving you enough, your wife for betraying you, or your parents, whom you believe didn’t care much about you. Just step it up.
